


you don't have me anymore

by tothineself



Category: Big Brother RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 17:24:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2515781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothineself/pseuds/tothineself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which frankie (futilely) tries to "get over" zachary rose elizabeth attack rance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you don't have me anymore

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from noah gundersen's "cigarettes."
> 
> i apologize in advance for using the words "sort of" a lot. also, you may not agree with my hypothetical emoji choices for zach & frankie. sorry about that. i tried my best.

frankie was celestial. frankie was the moon & all of her stars. frankie was the heavens.

frankie had to keep convincing himself of that. he delicately decorated his temples with a swirling pattern of sparkles. he wore tight, colorful shorts with an oversized tank-top, purposefully cut to reveal some perfectly tanned skin.

he looked himself up and down in the mirror. _i am celestial. of course. any man would be lucky to have me._

the mantra sort of fell flat as he, for the millionth time, eagerly checked his phone when it vibrated. his eyes searched the screen for the name "zach (cat with heart-eyes emoji) (purple heart emoji) (sassy girl in pink emoji)." and again he, for the millionth time, was disappointed.

frankie wasn't used to being... desperate? was that the right word? it was just weird. at times he felt so loved, coming out of big brother and seeing so much support from the #Grandtourage and his friends and his family. he felt so special and precious and beloved. so when rejection slapped him across the face, it was sort of a shock. it sort of cancelled all the good stuff out.

when he looked down at his phone, he didn't feel special or precious or beloved.

when he looked up at his reflection, he didn't feel special or precious or beloved.

that was such a shitty thing. _i am celestial. i am important. i shine brighter than orion's fucking belt. fuck anyone who feels differently._

_fuck zach rance._

*

frankie had two rules for going out tonight. 1. look hot. (accomplished) 2. drink until the name "zach rance" held no significance or meaning. (zach who?)

partying was easy and fun. partying was meeting people and being innately charismatic. partying was interesting conversation. easy. fun. natural.

frankie was good at partying, drinking, and forgetting.

frankie partied with his friends, drank too much vodka, and forgot about zach.

perfect.

*

frankie woke up with a killer headache and a dry mouth. he found himself drooling on his pillow.

 _his_ pillow. at _his_ apartment. good. that meant he was home.

frankie didn't remember shit about last night, especially not if he made it home. but clearly, he had. that was important. that was good.

frankie was too old to be this irresponsible. he had too many jobs to juggle and too many people relying on him. taking a night off from being frankie j grande, social media mogul, big brother 16 houseguest, and ariana grande's brother, was just wrong. stupid.

frankie sighed, his eyes still closed. _i'm too old to be such a fuck up._

slowly, and with great care, frankie rose from bed. he rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat, stumbling into the bathroom to grab some advil. after splashing some water on his face, frankie felt half-normal.

he returned to his bedroom to check his phone, laying on the nightstand. he tweeted a good morning tweet: "MORNING! (sun emoji) (sun emoji) (sun emoji)"

frankie sat on the edge of bed, watching as the love-filled responses washed over him. if nothing else, frankie had the #Grandtourage & their unending supply of positivity.

a mere three minutes later, while frankie was preparing himself for the day, his phone vibrated. it was a twitter notification. @ranceypants had apparently sent out a good morning tweet of his own. "It's a great morning for golf! (golf hole emoji) (sun emoji) (purple heart emoji)"

frankie rolled his eyes, but a small hint of a smile danced on his lips. how _zach_. like half of zach's tweets were about golf. he was always planning to golf, golfing, or reminiscing on golfing. how simple.

frankie scrolled through his mentions--what a mess. a beautiful mess.

one tweet in particular was noticeable. it was something about how #Zankie were always in-sync, always tweeting at the same time. they threw around words like "soulmates" and "inextricably linked."

frankie sort of felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. the tweeter, obviously, was a total sweetheart. they had absolutely no malintent. but to see that tweet--it sort of felt like they were taunting him. frankie _wished_ he  & zach were soulmates (a part of him still believed they were). frankie _wished_ the hare-brained theories about him  & zach waking up in the same bed were true. frankie _wished_ he  & zach were planning on tweeting at the same time just to laugh on the phone about the hysterics of the #Zankie shippers.

he really, really _wished_.

instead, he was doing his make-up in his apartment in NYC, while zach was driving a golf cart in FL. instead, he & zach hadn't spoken, hadn't even exchanged one single text, in two days. what a mess.

*

first, frankie listened to céline dion & thought about zach & cried.

"but i'm not sorry for my love / i'm not sorry for my touch / the way it made your hands / tremble and my heart rush / i would do it all again / wouldn't take back a thing, no / 'cause with you i've lived / a thousand lives in one"

after that, frankie listened to big sean's IDFWU & thought about zach & laughed.

"and everyday i wake up celebratin' shit, why? / 'cause i just dodged a bullet from a crazy bitch / i stuck to my guns, that's what made me rich / that's what put me on, that's what got me here / that's what made me this"

frankie was so over zach. forreal.

*

from that morning on, after that intensely therapeutic music session, operation "get over zach" was a go. frankie knew the first step was to get busy. how could he think about zach when he was doing interviews and making youtube videos and supporting his sister?

and frankie was having a good time. mostly.

it was only in the quiet moments, the silences, the pauses in conversation. it was the palpable desire to feel zach's fingers intertwined with his. it was frankie seeing a gif of zach tenderly caressing his back. it was strangers asking him how #Zankie was doing.

"great," he would always say. it was a little, white lie. he would always follow it up with, "i love zach!" that truth eased his conscience a bit.

zach was always on his mind, in the back of his mind, kind of. but it didn't really matter. life went on. the earth turned. zach didn't fucking text him. whatever.

operation "get over zach" was going pretty well. frankie felt proud.

until it all came crashing down at 3am with one single phone call.

**Author's Note:**

> (k this is the first fic i've ever written, so if you liked the beginning, please leave me some feedback. i'm a whiny baby who needs constant positive reenforcement.)


End file.
